GenX women in higher ed from around the globe

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Becoming a Cliché

In Lee's Posts on 2012/05/31 at 11:02

Lee Skallerup Bessette, writing from Morehead, Kentucky in the US.

I’ve been struggling with writing this post. I’m “burying” it here rather than sharing it on my regular blog post. I’m publishing it in the early summer hoping for fewer readers and that if anyone I know on campus reads it, they’ll have forgotten it by August when school starts again. I am going to be going to conferences and other activities soon where I will be meeting a lot of people face-to-face for the first time, and I hope that this isn’t the only thing they remember, being perhaps the last thing they read by me, about me.

I’ve been told more than a few times that I am brave for what I write in these spaces. What has come before this, I think to myself, has been easy. A friend of mine noted to me that I talk an awful lot, and I write just as much. I read voraciously, do multiple things at once, juggle as many things as I can, just to keep at bay that thing that I know is there but I most want to ignore and forget. If I stay busy, no one will notice, least of all myself. If I keep talking and writing about everything and anything else, stuff that I know people will react to, they won’t be tempted to ask for the truth from me, and I won’t be tempted to tell them.

I am depressed. This sounds like a flip or glib admission, and I don’t mean it to be, but I’m not sure how to put it any other way. I could use metaphors or imagery, but somehow it makes it worse, sound worse, more cliché than it already is in my ears. Ah, a depressed humanities academic. How quaint. How many times has it been done. What would she like us to do, award her a medal? No, I don’t want anything, really. But I also don’t want to be alone in it anymore, because it is too easy to bury it, ignore it, suffer in silence, tough it out, try to get over it, reasoning with myself, by myself, and failing.

Because there is nothing reasonable about this. My life is going well: good job, great family, a career on the (relative) rise, opportunities, community. And yet, I enjoy none of it. In high school, I listened to Denis Leary’s NoCureForCancer, laughing as he told those people who just weren’t happy to shut the f- up. But I’m tired of shutting up about it. I’m tired of my family not talking about how this is something now three consecutive generations of women have struggled with, leaving me to try and make sense of everything by myself.

This is not my first episode, far from it. But I could always blame it on something else. In high school, it was hormones. In university as an undergrad, it was acting out/finding myself/stress. It was easier, however, in university to hide (this was before cell phones) than it was in high school. My tiny res room became a place where I would hide, in the dark, for days, weeks, barely going to class, rarely going out with friends. Or I would embrace the most debauched elements of being an undergrad, once again to try and ignore the blackness, the unease I was never quite able to shake. At one point, during my masters after I had completed my course work, I didn’t leave the apartment I shared with two friends for months.

I figured I needed a change of scenery. Like I had so many other times before, I completely turned my world upside-down in the hopes that it wasn’t me, it was everyone and everything else that was making me feel …anxious and listless. Academia also provides a nice set of rules and guidelines, ones that I could fairly easily meet, and people would see me as “normal”. Above all, I wanted to blend in and appear normal. When I realized somewhere late in high school that what I felt and the thoughts I had weren’t what everyone else was thinking and feeling, I became increasingly self-conscious about trying to blend in. I don’t want to say that I was looking to fit, as I realized that it wasn’t going to happen, but at least remain, if on the fringes, acceptably so. And you could always fall into a hole for a while and no one would question where you were and why.

My life, at the moment, has become performative. I go through the motions of being happy, excited, optimistic, a loving wife, a good mother, a careful and engaged academic. But really, I’m just barely hanging on. The problem is that this status I am in comes and goes; I know what I should be feeling (but am not) and I also know that at some point, it ends. Now, however, a lot more is at stake than one more year of grad school or a lost weekend; I have relationships, people who live with me every day and see and notice a difference. I have two very small people who understand even less about what’s wrong with Mommy and one very large person in my life with whom I pledged to share everything and to whom I can’t even articulate exactly what’s happening. Or why.

So this is who I am right now. If I’ve appeared more disconnected, more distracted, less engaged, it’s because of this. I would take a break, but all of my activities are what keep me moving forward; if I stop, I worry I might never start again.

This post was also published in Inside Higher Ed

Planting a Garden

In Lee's Posts on 2012/05/01 at 05:10

Lee Skallerup Bessette, writing from Morehead, Kentucky in the US

I have suddenly realized that my children will have a fundamentally different childhood experience than the ones my husband and I had growing up. Before you say, duh, realize that I’m not talking about social media and texting and cell phones and Khan Academy (not to mention that we’re living in a different country). I am talking about my children growing up in a small, rural town, versus the big-city childhood my husband and I both had.

I grew up riding public transit to get anywhere and everywhere. My first real date was to see a Major League Baseball game (which we took public transit to get to). I saw my first concert when I was twelve (it was 1989; try and guess who I went to see). If I became interested in any sort of activity or hobby, there were always classes being offered somewhere that my parents could sign me up for. There were huge libraries, important museums, big (and small) cultural events, and major sports teams. And, of course, a mall.

And while I was a teenager before the Internet was everywhere, I did come into young adulthood in a world where you could find anything and everything online, while living in places where you could do just about anything. The places where I wanted to go and the things that I wanted to do were all just a Google search away for dates, directions, prices, and schedules. In certain regards, I’m as bad as my students insofar as if I can’t find an activity or business or organization online, then I have no idea how to find them at all.

As my kids get older and I get to know the community and my students, I realize just how different my kids’ experiences growing up will be and just how useless I am at helping them explore and navigate the world we currently live in. My students talk extensively about their experiences hunting, growing food, raising animals, building boxcar racers, foraging, quilting (it’s really big here in Kentucky), and fishing when they were kids. Certainly, they also played in high school bands, played football/baseball/soccer, and other “common” childhood activities, but they were coupled with experiences that are so foreign to me that I don’t even know how to begin introducing my
kids to them.

Added to that, I live in a place where word-of-mouth is the social network of choice. People just know what activities are available and how and when to sign up for them. But a lot of the activities rely on local, community or familial knowledge, skills that have been passed down between generations. Instructional videos on YouTube can only take my kids (especially at this age) so far. And they can only take me so far, too. My kids want to go fishing and camping and have small farm animals and plant their own garden. I have almost zero interest in or knowledge about any of those activities.

But gardening, you say, is easy. Sure, if you don’t have a black thumb like I do. And, if you knew enough about gardening ahead of time not to buy a house with a yard that is entirely shaded; I was thinking like an urban dweller who treasures shade. My kids want nothing more than sunlight to grow plants under. Plus, if we want to grow food, we also have to learn how to build a fence as well as a sort of roof for the garden, as we have deer and other animals that will come and eat our “crop.” Again, these are all things I don’t know how to do, or really have the time, energy, or patience to learn.

Don’t take this to mean that I think these things aren’t worth learning or that I think that my childhood is superior to the childhood my kids are currently experiencing. I am just completely and utterly out of my depth. I understood that I would have to learn new and unexpected things because of my kids’ interests (my mother knew nothing about competitive swimming before my brother and I devoted our lives, and thus her life, to the sport for 15+ years). But mentally I was prepared for more “suburban” or even electronic interests (like cheerleading or World of Warcraft, which could still happen). I wasn’t ready for gun safety and large animal care.

Recently here at Uvenus, Emily Isaacson wrote about finding yourself where you are.  My kids, at least for the foreseeable future, will never know anything other than growing up where we are. I’m really hoping in the coming years, as they grow older and make their own connections in the community, that they will teach me about this place we now call home. As an academic, I have to be curious and want to continue learning. But, right now, I’m even more lost and overwhelmed than my kids are (which is, quite honestly, not at all) by the possibilities of the place we live.

This post was also published in Inside Higher Ed

Do-Nothing Weekend

In Lee's Posts on 2012/03/26 at 21:31

Lee Skallerup Bessette, writing from Morehead, Kentucky in the US.

It’s SuperBowl Sunday. My husband is making food for tonight’s festivities; the kids are upstairs napping (or at least resting quietly). It rained most of the weekend, so we were essentially stuck in the house. It’s still too early in the semester for my students to have handed anything in for me to grade, but at the point where lectures are still pretty rote. I finished revising a paper this week, resubmitted, and realized I don’t have any other looming deadlines that desperately need to be met. While there are always thing that can be done, there was nothing pressing that needed doing.

I had nothing to do this weekend.

My kids are still young enough (or I live in a town small enough) that we’re not rushing around for sports teams and other activities all weekend. We did go grocery shopping (no small feat with two kids under the age of 5), played with play dough, drew pictures, read stories (my almost-5-year-old is desperate to read on her own), watched movies, danced, sang songs, and just chilled out. The kids created their own games and imaginary worlds. We folded clothes (I’m going to enjoy this short-lived phenomenon where my kids are excited to help fold laundry).

I played Bejeweled until I had a cramp in my arm. I took a nap.

These kinds of weekends, where my husband and I are both home with the kids and there are no looming deadlines or obligations hanging over us, causing us to rush, stress, and generally need a day-off from the weekend, are rare. For so many of us in academia, the weekend isn’t for resting but instead for getting everything done that you didn’t have time to do during the week. We grade, we research, we write, we answer email, we get administrative tasks done over the weekend. For every Thursday afternoon we’re seen at the store, there are countless unseen weekends in the office at home or at school working to try and keep our heads above water. Often those Thursdays at the store are so that we don’t have to try and do battle with the crowds and/or our kids on the weekend.

So that we can get more work done.

I don’t remember the last time I had a weekend where I did nothing (ok, very little). Sometime in October, I think. And I’m not even sure if I should count that weekend I’m thinking of because I was really sick and thus didn’t do anything. No, I’m talking about those weekends where you get to do something you enjoy and at the same time not feel guilty on Monday for avoiding/neglecting/setting aside your professional responsibilities. A time when you actually enjoyed yourself over the weekend.

There are conferences; deadlines for abstracts, revisions, and submissions; grading; open house weekends; recruiting trips and fairs; more faculty meetings and other administrative work; campus social events that we “have” to show up for; thesis defenses and the celebratory drink afterwards; on-campus interviews; grant application deadlines; dates for submitting progress reports towards tenure; class prep, but also beginning to choose your books for the next semester; scheduling meetings; curriculum meetings; professional development courses…This is, indeed, what we signed up for when we became academics and an academic couple. But the demands of the day bleed into those hours set aside for family, like evenings and weekends.

Of course, not all work is a chore; I finally finished a few guest blog posts I had been meaning to do for a while but just couldn’t find the time. I started to read a novel that is directly related to my work and research. But I was relaxed while doing them, unencumbered by the weight of having to do them, instead enjoying choosing to do them at my own pace. There is a difference.

I don’t foresee this happening much going forward. It will be a sprint from now until the semester ends, and then it’s conference season, traveling to see family, getting geared up for the fall semester, and then it all starts again.

Maybe I’ll be able to grab another weekend “off” sometime in July.

This post was also published in Inside Higher Ed 

Going “Home”

In Lee's Posts on 2012/02/02 at 02:36

Lee Skallerup Bessette, writing from Morehead, Kentucky in the US. 

I spent part of my Christmas holidays in the house that I grew up in, located in the suburbs of Montreal. I haven’t lived in Montreal full-time since I left to go to university, more than (shudder) 15 years ago. And even then, I didn’t really live in Montreal growing up. And yet, in my mind, I’ve built up my home city to the point where there could be nowhere better to live.

Pop culture wasn’t helping either. Before I left for the trip, not one but two travel/eating shows featured Montreal. My husband and I watched, and I heard the French/Québécois accents, saw the old, narrow streets, the distinct architecture, and immediately couldn’t wait to get on a plane and get back “home.” I always relax a little when we land in Montreal and the announcement is first made in French, “Bienvenue à Montreal.”

Of course, it’s never that simple. The city may feel like home, but the house where I grew up most definitely does not. I am reminded of all of the reasons I left more than 15 years earlier for my undergraduate degree and never went back. It is home in all of the worst ways: oppressive, limiting, and confining. It was my home, but I am no longer that person and I no longer fit into the place where I used to, for better or for worse, belong. Couple that with the fact that I am traveling with my own very young kids, one who doesn’t travel well, and the trip was less of a vacation and more of an endurance test, made worse by my own unrealistic expectations.

Reading the now infamous piece in the Atlantic lamenting the life lived as a professor in Iowa, I am reminded of my own situation, a transplanted Montrealer and Canadian, living in the rural South. How much should we expect to adapt to our new surroundings in order to make them feel like home versus how much we try to reshape our surroundings for that same purpose? Bloom laments the expectations/biases of the people he met, their inflexibility, but how much of his unhappiness is a result of his own inability to adapt himself? And, if he were to move back to San Francisco, would he be any happier or feel more at home after 20 years?

As academics, we are told we need to be flexible or realistic when it comes to where we end up living for our academic careers. If we aren’t willing to be flexible and accept certain sacrifices for the tenure-track, then we need to be realistic about our chances of making a good living in academia. But there is always the danger of over-romanticizing either option, be it the tenure-track job in the middle of nowhere or adjunct teaching  in the big city (or getting out of academia all together). Montreal is a distant memory, largely divorced from reality at this point. And I am largely in control of my own happiness – I can either make the best of things here or keep pining for Montreal (or some other big city). Is that fair to my family to never feel like we’re home?

My experience and memories of Montreal are unique. Certainly, I have common cultural moments, shared by almost all Montrealers (cheering for the Canadiens, the now-defunct Expos, the Ice Storm of 1998, among others), but I grew up Anglophone in the West Island (aka the English suburb), which is different from being French from the East End, an immigrant living in an ethnic neighborhood, or a Jew from Westmount (my Montreal is not Mordecai Richler’s Montreal, Michel Tremblay’s Montreal, Dany Laferrière’s Montreal). It also has to do with the time I grew up in Montreal; as a young teen, I was largely insulated from the economic depression of the early 1990s. I lived in Montreal, with bagels and smoked meat and sugaring off and linguistic tensions, but I came of age elsewhere, looking back on where I grew up with eyes filled with nostalgia.

While in Montreal, I made the mistake of telling my son that we were going home when I meant we were going back to my parents’ house, my old home. He got excited, then completely despondent when he realized what I really meant. For him, home is where his things are, where his friends live, where we all live. As my daughter explained to the border agent, she was born in California, her brother in Florida, her Dad in Edmonton, and her mom in Montreal, but we live in Kentucky. Home for her and her brother is wherever we live, our family born at four corners of North America, living together in a space filled with love.

I’m not going to lie; I still miss the food and hearing French. But I wouldn’t trade my life for either of those things. I am, finally, home.
This post was also published in Inside Higher Ed.

What I Leave Behind

In Lee's Posts on 2012/01/10 at 00:06

Lee Skallerup Bessette, writing from Morehead, Kentucky in the US.

What am I leaving behind?

I need a hobby. I’d like one in part for the stress-release factor, but also because I’d like my kids to see me doing something other than reading or typing and also I’d like to have something to leave behind, a physical trace of myself.

Our house is filled with traces and mini-monuments created by family members: my late grandmother painted and my house is full of her paintings, and my mother has now started painting herself; my brother’s photography lines the walls of my children’s rooms; my late grandfather’s woodwork and handiwork are used daily. My mother-in-law is a trained seamstress, so my daughter can point to all of the things that she has mended for her during visits. My husband cooks elaborate and delicious meals for us.

I have…a blog.

I know that my kids are both fascinated by working with their hands, or at least watching people work with their hands. When I was pregnant with my son, my husband spent one afternoon assembling the new changing table. My daughter (about 18 months at the time) was watching her dad work. She hadn’t been particularly affectionate with her dad, but she suddenly ran up to him, threw her arms around him, kissed him and declared, “love you, Dad.” I was currently working out of the house and he was taking care of her at home while writing his dissertation. My husband is also, as mentioned above, the cook. My daughter had spent her entire life, up to that point, around academics, both male and female. And yet, here she was, moved by the sight of her father doing manual labor.

(In fairness, she may have been equally moved had she seen me doing the same thing, but I was massively pregnant and in no condition to put together heavy wood furniture.)

Fast-forward a few years. Our neighbor often works in his backyard and the kids would beg me to go over so they could watch or even help. They are also constantly telling me about all the things their teachers made. And they ask, why don’t you make anything? Then again, when my daughter asks me to draw something for her, she just gets mad because, as she says, I don’t do it well enough.

I almost failed kindergarten because of poor fine-motor skills (never mind that I already knew how to read and speak two languages). While I have since improved, I haven’t ever mastered drawing, penmanship, musical instruments (and trust me, I tried), or any sort of art that involves using my hands (so, you know, all of them). One time, my very pregnant childhood friend who was in nesting mode forced me to try knitting. It didn’t work. Instead of being sources of stress-release, they become sources of great stress and anxiety.

Doing things around the house (like cooking or fixing or decorating) are also fraught with negative emotional baggage. I was clumsy and a bit of a space cadet as a kid, so anytime I tried to help or do anything on my own, I was constantly told that I was doing it wrong or not fast enough or just simply in the way. This wasn’t any way to inculcate any sort of hereditary hobby.

This leaves me with my writing and (brace yourselves) singing. Singing is one of the few activities that while I know that I will never gain fame and fortune with my voice, I still enjoy the activity and have enough talent not to send my kids screaming and to be a part of a choir. My daughter now knows not to ask me to draw anything for her, but she doesn’t hesitate to ask me to sing. And when I overheard my son singing Rainbow Connection, I realized (with admittedly a few tears in my eyes) that maybe; perhaps, I have already left something with them.

And someday my kids will hopefully appreciate my writing. I’m not sure why I don’t give more weight to the sheer volume I have produced and published in some form or another in the past 10 years of my academic career (and even my non-academic one before that), but I’m still stuck in a pre-digital (and firmly academic) mindset that unless it’s a book, it doesn’t really count. Maybe my kids will give more weight to my blogging than I am.

I wasn’t able to attend my grandfather’s funeral, but one of my relatives read the following from Ray Bradbury’s classic Fahrenheit 451. It is spoken by one of the other outcasts Montag meets when he escapes the city. Granger is remembering and mourning his own grandfather:

Everyone must leave something behind when he dies, my grandfather said. A child or a book or a painting or a wall built or a pair of shoes made…Something your hand touched some way so your soul has somewhere to go when you die…It doesn’t matter what you do, he said, as long as you changed something from the way it was before you touched it into something that’s like you after you take your hands away.

Maybe that’s why I’ve become interested in Digital Humanities and trying to be more active advocating for adjunct faculty (I wont call them contingent anymore); I want to build things, change things for the better. It would be much easier if I could knit a pair of socks or paint a picture, but unless someone comes up with a better suggestion, it seems this is the path I’m taking.

Lee Elaine Skallerup has a Ph.D. from the University of Alberta in Comparative Literature. She has taught in two Canadian provinces and three States, and is now branching out as an Edupreneur. You can visit her blog at College Ready Writingand follow her on Twitter (@readywriting). Lee is also a member of the editorial collective at University of Venus.

This post was also published in Inside Higher Ed.

Lest We Forget

In Lee's Posts on 2011/12/01 at 11:40

Lee Skallerup Bessette, writing from Morehead, Kentucky in the USA.

Six months ago, we here at University of Venus wrote passionately about our reactions to the beating and blinding of Rumana Monzur by her husband and in front of their daughter. We hoped that this would shed light on the issue of violence against women and the power imbalance that still exists between men and women.  But we also feared for her academic career, her and her daughter’s safety, and her future more generally. How is she?

A little more than a year ago, we were riveted by the news of 33 Chilean miners stuck in a mine and their stories. A year later, can anyone say if they’ve given the miners more than a second thought after they were on all of our televisions and Twitter timelines? Has the mining industry changed at all in Chile? Are these workers any safer, better off or at all alright after their ordeal?

And finally, almost two years ago, Haiti was hit with a devastating earthquake. We, once again, globally rallied our support to help rebuild Haiti. Haitian-Canadian author Dany Laferriere happened to be in Haiti when the earthquake stuck and also happened to have a manuscript due soon after. Instead of the book he was supposed to submit, he instead quickly wrote a memoire of the earthquake, Tout bouge autour de moi(Everything is Moving Around Me; you can read a excerpt in English here). A mere two months after disaster struck, Laferriere provided us with a moving account of the earthquake and how life went on in the immediate aftermath. Because he was an author and a Canadian, the government quickly evacuated him from the island and he continued on his book and speaking tour, noting the reactions in the media and the people he came into contact with. Over-all, the tone of the book is hopeful. The following is my translation of the last few sentences of the book:

When people talk to me, I see in their eyes that they are addressing the dead, while I grab hold of even the smallest living fly. But what really touches me is that they seem genuinely moved by their own emotions, and they hope to internalize and hold on to the emotions longer. It is said that one disaster follows another. And while the journalists will move on to the next tragedy, Haiti will remain in the world’s hearts.

We know that we moved on when the journalists and (more significantly) the media did, too. Haiti remains in my heart because I study their literature and culture academically. But Haiti’s story since then has been far from happy, nor has it been in the front (or even back) of our minds. Instead, there has been political instability, a cholera outbreak, tent cities that were meant to be temporary but remain today, and less than halfin some cases of the aid money promised to Haiti has been paid out or spent and corruption both in Haiti and from the outside remains a problem. We pledged out money and then largely forgot about it. Mostly, we moved on to the next headline-grabbing humanitarian crisis.

The Chilean Miners have not fared well, either. The New York Times recently did a piece that looked at how life was going for the miners a year later. Just about all of them are poorer than they were before. The President of Chile took advantage of his popularity after the miners were rescued to tour the world, and while he made good on his promise to pass legislation to improve the safety of mines in Chile, it is still unclear ifthey have done much good.

Finally, the impetus for this whole post. About a month ago, I was struck wondering what had happened to Rumana Monzur. I knew that her parents had joined her back in Vancouver, but it was unclear (or unreported) whether her daughter had made it to Canada as well. Would the charges against her husband stick? Would Monzur be able to continue her studies? A quick Google search revealed nothing. There was the initial flurry of activity and reports around the date of the attacks, and then nothing save for an announced fund-raiser for her continued medical care and other expenses in Canada. What had happened to her and her family?

A more recent Google search revealed more. The Globe and Mail did a follow-up story on her situation; she is learning Braille and determined to finish her MA and then PhD. Her daughter did make it to Canada and so far more than $80K has been raised to help her recovery. There is an online video channel devoted to archiving the media surrounding her case. And perhaps more importantly, there have been several postsdevoted to how the media in her home country handled the case, sparking lasting change in how issues of domestic violence are covered.

We cannot let the media’s short attention span dictate what we care about and what we pay attention to. These stories mattered to us and they should continue to matter to us even after, as Laferriere says, the media has moved on. I write about this today to remind us to stay engaged and to stay connected; Google can’t send me results that aren’t there.

This post was also published in Inside Higher Ed.

What is a Blog Post?

In Lee's Posts on 2011/10/20 at 11:05

“What’s the point of this?”

“Poorly argued.”

“This isn’t about anything.”

I’ve read these comments at the bottom of many fellow University of Venus writers’ posts (most recently Anamaria Dutceac Segesten’s post on gender equity in higher education). I’ve also started seeing comments like these come up on other academic bloggers’ posts, specifically Tenured Radical, in relation to how her posts have somehow “changed” now that she is blogging over at the Chronicle. I’ve been thinking about this question quite a bit: what is a blog post? Or, more specifically, what is a good blog post?

For my students, I had them write blog posts as op-ed pieces (or, more formally titled, an argument essay). Particularly in academic blog circles, this seems to be what we expect from blogs: a clear argument or “point.” We have been trained over the years to develop a strong thesis with support to back it up. But, we might not always want to pick a fight. And, why are we repeating a formal style (albeit shorter) in a more informal setting?

Others, like Dr. Crazy, use their blog as more of a journal. Certainly, she has argued about many things as they relate to higher education, but the majority of her posts are about her life as an academic, but also as a woman, daughter, sister, friend, etc. This is less, it seems, about making a point that keeping a public journal. Or perhaps the point is that academics are people too, with rich (and mundane) lives outside of the classroom. These blogs are useful because they do humanize us and the work we do. The Mama PhD blog here on IHE would seem to do that, too (although again there are lots of more traditional, argument-essay style posts).

Still others, like the good folks over at ProfHacker, would seem to favor the how-to or information approach to blogging. Each post usually profiles some cool tech toy or outlines some way that we, the professoriate, can make our lives (both at work and outside of work) easier. One could make the point that they are “arguing” for us to adopt their recommendations, but the tone is more informative than argumentative. It’s a fine line, I know, but an important one. Many teaching blogs and teacher-bloggers share their exercises, nuts and bolts, and tricks in their blogs, to help other teachers. It becomes about sharing information and expertise.

Then we come to perhaps the most controversial blog post of them all, at least in academia: the reflection post. These are posts that don’t really argue for any one clear side, or have a clear stance that they are defending. These posts are a type of work-in-progress, reflecting the author’s attempt to deal with a complex issue, in public, in writing. For me, the point of these kinds of posts (of which I’ve written quite a few) are to generate discussion, help clarify thinking, and generally get others thinking, too. The point, then, is that there is not yet a clear point.

This type seems to be popular for teachers to assign to students. We get them to write blog posts with their initial thoughts about their readings, their brainstorming process for an essay, and their reflections on what has gone on in class. They are useful because we, the instructors, can see where the students are “in real time” and respond. Students can also see where their classmates are and help one another. It becomes a virtual conversation, an extension of their learning. Why, then, do we seem so opposed to fellow academics writing the same kinds of posts?

Perhaps it is the platform; we have a certain expectation from something that is published on IHE, even if it is under the heading of “blogs.” Perhaps it is because we expect more from ourselves than we do from our students, even though we know that we work through the process of problem solving the same way we try to encourage our students to do. Perhaps this reveals our insecurity as academics, that we can’t share the process, only the solid results of that process. Reflection, then, is a sign of tentativeness, indecisiveness, and intellectual weakness.

But of course, it isn’t. Blogging allows for us to make these reflective moments public. So much of what we do in academia has too long been done in isolation. Why can’t we post reflections, incomplete and contradictory thoughts for feedback, discussion, and even new and different perspectives? You could say that I just wrote a standard dividing and classifying essay. The point? To get you, the readers, to think differently about academic blogging. The reflection, as “pointless” as it may be, should be embraced as an important part of academic blogging.

On Being a Feminist Role Model in the Classroom

In Lee's Posts on 2011/09/28 at 11:18

Lee Skallerup Bessette, writing from Morehead, Kentucky in the US.

“Is it always like this?”

This question came from one of the three male students in my 50+ person literature class, almost ten years ago. I was a new, young PhD student and I was teaching an introductory literature course. The class, in the four years that I had taught it, never reached double-digits for male students in the class. So, yes, I answered, it was always like this.

I was proud of my classes. I taught at an R1 institution, one of the top in the country. That women were over-represented seemed like a nice problem to have. I knew there were plenty of men on campus, mostly in engineering and hard sciences. Most men simply weren’t interested in this course. I was young, naïve, and an admitted over-achiever. My role, I thought, was to simply be myself, teach well, and show my students the rich world of our national literature.

I’m older, wiser, married and the parent of two small children now. And I read about the young women in college apparently overachieving in the classroom while seemingly regressing outside of it. As put by Lisa Belkin, the author of the article, “In social settings and in relationships, men set the pace, made the rules and acted as they had in the days when women were still “less than.” It might as well have been the 1950s, but with skimpier clothing, fewer inhibitions and better birth control.” I also read thatmore than 30 percent of college students exhibit signs of eating disorderwhile 91 percent of collegewomen admitted to dieting.

I recently came across a study, “Female Bodily Perfection and the Divided Self.” by Catherine G. Valentine. After studying three years of her female students’ journals, she came to the conclusion that:

…women’s moral identity incorporates definitions and feelings of self-constructed in relation to an abstract ideal of bodily perfection and perfectibility, which is produced and disseminated by electronic and print media. I submit that idealized images of female bodily perfection and messages of perfectibility exercise control over women’s lives by constructing a self that is distorted and divided against itself, self-policing and self-destructive”#

These journals were written between 1987 and 1990. The findings, however, haven’t seemed to change; women seem to be dividing themselves, in-class versus out of class. Students seem to be ok today with that disconnect but I’m not.

What is my role as a feminist role model for my current students?

I try to remember what I was like as an undergraduate. My wardrobe consisted of cargo pants and men’s shirts (thanks Kurt Cobain!). It didn’t seem to impact my dating life in any way. When I went out with friends, it was rarely to pick up; we wanted to hang out, drink, and dance. It wasn’t perfect, and nor were we, as each of us battled with our own set of body and relationship issues, but we always maintained control, were supportive of one another, and had a good time largely on our own terms.

That’s not what I see from or read about undergraduates today. Should we blame popular culture that sets the narrow standard for women and our self-worth? The proliferation of the “rape culture” thatexists on campuses? The rise of standardized tests that keep our students from thinking more critically about what messages they receive from the media? Or have we simply split ourselves in two, as described by the study, separating our brains and bodies from one another? And what difference can I make in all this?

I know that my role in front of my students is limited. On the surface, I exude traditional, conservative, sexist, and heteronormative values: I’m married, I have two kids, I make less money than my husband, and I teach gen-ed courses off the tenure-track. I dress professionally, behave responsibly, and yet try to provoke my students into thinking more critically about their lives. Unlike my first teaching experience, my classrooms are equal in gender distribution, and my job relies in no small part on my student evaluations. Talking more overtly about feminist issues is a sure way to lose half my class.

Free choice is often voiced, but what I wonder, based on the students’ own ambivalence, how much of this behavior is the student’s choice and how much of it is using choice as a reason to succumb to peer pressure? I’m not interested in “slut shaming” or “blaming the victim,” which is what often discussions of these issues devolve into. I am interested in creating a meaningful discussion and examination of these issues for my students. I’m still trying to figure out how to do it.

This post was also published in Inside Higher Ed.

Reforming Higher Education: To What End?

In Lee's Posts on 2011/08/25 at 00:14

Lee Skallerup Bessette, writing from Morehead, Kentucky, in the US.

I’ve questioned whether or not real change in higher education is possible. Now I’m beginning to question whether or not I want higher education to change. At least, change in the direction currently being pushed as the “solution” to all of our higher education ills.

The catalyst for this post is the recent comments made by Lumina Foundation CEO Jamie P. Merisotis about improving higher education. He was addressing governors and encouraging them to get more heavily involved in reforming public higher education in their respective states. So what advice does he offer governors?

(This advice very closely resembles the advice currently being tossed around in Texas, by the way, so my responses to them do, too)

To begin with, nowhere is it mentioned that funding levels to public education be restored, to either the K-12 or post-secondary systems. While he suggests that those in higher education work together with the K-12 system to ensure “college readiness,” I wonder how the university is supposed to replace laid-off librarians, learning specialists or reduce class sizes. We can debate (and many have) how universities prepare educators and train administrators, but nowhere in his remarks does Merisotis connect these two dots. How does Merisotis suggest we pay for these partnerships and improvements?

Incentive pay, of course. I’m sorry, “performance funding” or “outcomes based funding.” We’ve seen in Atlanta and D.C. how well dangling money in front of school systems goes towards superficially improving outcomes. Why do we think it would be any different in higher education? Because we are so noble? Then why do we need “performance funding” to coerce, I’m sorry, encourage us to do our jobs? How are we to ensure standards when the funding is tied to things like completion and retention rates?

Not only are institutions going to be bribed with cash for completion, so too will the students. The plan is to base their financial aid awards on their academic performances. This is a controversial idea, to say the least. Particularly with at-risk or non-traditional students where money is often the biggest worry. It isn’t just about paying for their studies; it’s about supporting families back home. If they don’t have to worry about money, then they can focus on grades, not the other way around.

Of course, how do we meet these goals without the extra money up front? We innovate, of course. And, we find as much efficiency as possible. Not to mention actually start providing “useful” degrees. To me, despite all of best intentions that I am sure lay behind these sentiments, those ideas screams: “we need more adjuncts!” More people with “real world” experience. More people who cost less. More people we can easily replace if they are unwilling or unable to comply. More people to deliver a standard curriculum online. Even though more and more information is showing that having full-timefaculty improves retention rates and online education doesnt work for those most at-risk.

What bothers me the most about these recommendations is that it ensures that non-traditional students get a fundamentally different education than their “traditional” (read, white, wealthy) counterparts. Is it any surprise that the children of professors are more likely to attend smallliberal arts colleges than their socio-economic peers? I’m not saying that everyone needs or wants the liberal-arts college experience, but we seem to be sacrificing the rich variety of educational experiences available to students in the name of accessibility. Instead of innovating, we are conforming to a narrow definition and vision of what higher education should be.

I am writing this as an instructor at a regional state university that primarily serves non-traditional students. I have worked at two other public universities in two other states that also serve non-traditional students. I teach developmental students, those who are at the highest risk of dropping out. I don’t see my students as completion or failure statistics, but as individuals who have, despite their unique situations, a common set of challenges. I also don’t view my colleagues as the sum of their pass/fail rates or class average. I see them as individuals struggling to do the best they can in the face of increasing pressures, ballooning class sizes, and decreasing support. We want our students to succeed and to receive a rigorous education that will benefit them. I think governors should start listening to those on the ground a little more.


Refusing Silence: What No One Else is Talking About

In Uncategorized on 2011/07/13 at 23:46

Lee Skallerup Bessette, writing from Morehead, Kentucky in the US.

Recently in Inside Higher Ed, I wrote, along with three of my UVenus colleagues, a response to Rumana Munzur’s situation entitled “Refusing to Be Silent.” In the comments, we were called “cowardly” for actually speaking out on the subject, however tentatively; nowhere else have I read reactions from academics about the tragedy. On the Chronicle.com‘s Brainstorm blog, Naomi Schaefer Riley reacts to the silence of the faculty and university at large in response to the tragedy of Antonio Calvos suicide. Last month, I was taken to task for daring to suggest that either tenure or some other form of protection be offered so that academics may, indeed, be free to speak out about the direction of their universities.

It is politically incorrect within higher education at the moment to agree with what Shaefer Riley has to say, but I have to admit that I, too, was struck by the silence surrounding Calvo’s dismissal from Princeton. Struck is the wrong word. Appalled. Aghast. Disgusted. This is the silence I am refusing. The silence that allows for those who are in more precarious positions within academia to be manipulated, exploited, and negated. If you don’t like it, then leave, I was told. No. I will not. I refuse silence.

It was disheartening to me to read so many people dismiss Shaefer Riley because they disagreed with her ideas about tenure (not to mention her politics). We may disagree about many things, but I agree that the situation that has unfolded at Princeton is a strong indicator that tenure isn’t currently working, but also that those who are off the tenure-track need stronger protections. I was also encouraged in the comments to find I wasn’t the only one. We will probably never know what happened, as the walls have been thrown up and silence now reigns, but we can speak out about how this situation, and so many like it that don’t end in tragedy, are allowed to occur in a supposedly progressive environment.

I am particularly sensitive to Calvo’s precarious immigration situation; I, too, am here legally but contingently; if something were to happen to my job, my status here would be in jeopardy. How many international scholars are silenced for fear that they may lose their one means to stay legally in their adoptive home? How many instructors are put into administrative positions without the additional support and voice that tenure (supposedly) provides? I also can’t help but wonder about the current priorities in higher education; the instructor that Calvo supposedly clashed with is the wife of a research professor in the hard sciences (“nuclear energy expert”). Is it that Calvo was truly difficult to work with, or is it that he clashed with a person with more “political” clout?

These are the discussions that are not taking place right now. I resent being called cowardly when there are so few of us writing and examining these issues. I rejoiced when fellow blogger and agitator Isaac Sweeny wrote his post “Want the Tenure-TrackDont Keep Quiet.”  I will not be shamed into silence, nor will I simply take my toys and leave. This is not how higher education will grow and improve. I refuse to be silent, I refuse to accept the status quo, and I refuse to believe that none of this makes any difference.

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